~Part 4 - My Continuing Journey
My Glass Wall – SHATTERED!
Part 4 – My Continuing Journey
It has been nearly a year since I first stood upon the threshold of this oasis – a place where fear, doubt, and shame dissolve into peace and trust, where rigorous conformity melts into restful beginnings of transformation. I am very much still captivated by my God. My veins literally pulse with the thrill that the triune God would conspire within Himself to love us in these ways, to enter our depravity, and to make a way for us to know Him, regardless of whether we are hiding in religion or in rebellion. I am breath taken. My heart races. Undoubtedly, I am quickened, and lest you think I’m “tripping,” I’m on nothing besides an occasional cup of coffee. It is my growing comprehension of God’s love for ALL people, however, which has caused me to fall passionately in love with Him - the depth of which I previously was without a clue. I am obsessed and highly addicted to God – May it never end! I know this sounds overly dramatic, but this has been my reality.
Most evident to me, are the changes happening in mind and heart, for I now have wonderful things to say about my God. I am no longer afraid of God and because of that, I can trust Him. Because I can trust Him, I am less fearful of the world, what might happen, or my day-to-day circumstances. Because I am less fearful, I can freely love others. Living securely in that love is releasing me from religious doing and has given me a heartache for others to experience this same love. The love that captured my heart has given me eyes to see and then conspires within me to find ways to love others in the world. God is increasingly moving my focus outward, seeing all people as God’s children who are lost in the slums of life and need help finding their way back to their Heavenly Father.
In ALL of this, there is part of me that is very cautious. I’m stepping away from the evangelical norm, following Jesus into waters that are foreign to me, but not to the many who have gone before me. So, although I have been very guarded as I increasingly become an out-of-the-box Christian thinker, I am also steadfast on this wild journey. I will never sway from Jesus. It is Him whom I follow. He is my best Friend, my Rock, and my very strong Foundation. Rather than trying to conform myself to Him, I am beginning to understand the limitless love of my Father and how, when I live in the security of His boundless love displayed at the cross, I will be changed. An unsettled doubt is what kept me in my bondage to conform to Jesus rather than being transformed by Him. Understanding the cross confirmed what I always wanted to know – “Do you even like me? Do YOU really love me? Will You ALWAYS love me?” Knowing that His response is a resounding “Yes!” is leading me into more relationship and deeper friendship with my God, precisely the thing I have always yearned for. Living in my Father’s affection is doing the very thing in me that I have persistently worked so hard to do, not knowing how to have Him otherwise. I love my God. I love this journey He has me on to know Him better and to love those He puts in my path.
We are all at extremely different points on this journey with God. You might only be a foot away, with your back turned, and walking opposite of everything good He has planned for you. Or, maybe you feel a million miles off and yet are heading towards Him. Either way, you are still just one step from His loving arms. You only have to turn to Him; you only have to ask. You have a Heavenly Father who is calling out to you. Creation even, cries out to you of His love, His goodness, His presence. He is waiting. He will not force you. I can’t deny what is happening in my mind and heart, but it took a clear revelation of the cross to do that for me. I hope you will one day come to really understand what God did on the cross for you and it becomes your reality like it has mine.
Whoever you are,
God knows your name. He has
always loved you and He always will!
I BELIEVE that!
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Concluding Thoughts:
Thank you for allowing me to share, but please, don’t mistake me for having “arrived.” Every day, over and over, I must preach these truths to myself. How often, already, have I returned here, to my own words, for the reminder to stop trying so hard and doing so much and just live in God’s love. Rather than focusing on how I can deny myself, which has its roots in fear, I rest in the goodness of my God and His vast love for me. I am a fellow traveler with you. Call me any day and you may still find me floundering in “should do” and “shouldn’t do” because I have forgotten that I am an adored daughter of the King. You are a cherished child of the King too. May we not forget that.
He Loves Me, has been a launching point into other books, articles, and research, always going back to the Bible to examine the Scriptures with Rabbi Jesus at my side. Soaked in repeated readings of this book and multiple listens of the podcasts, without a doubt, I have paraphrased, borrowed from, directly, and indirectly quoted Wayne Jacobsen - his words and ideas throughout. However, you can find it far more perfectly expressed in his book, He Loves Me and his free Transition audio series, or on his blog at Lifestream.org. I am not affiliated with Lifestream Media or the author, and I received no compensation for what I have written. However, I am exceedingly grateful to him for stepping out in faith to share his own journey, research, experiences, and wisdom. His teaching is a breath of fresh air and truly, God has used him to rock my spiritual world!
Inevitably, there will be several who are critical of what I have written, possibly even labeling some of this as liberal or progressive, heretical even. Possibly, it will sound like some of that and once upon a time, I would have impulsively stamped down those same labels. But a relationship with Jesus is real. What I have experienced is real and I would be a fool not to forsake the veneer for the real thing. Without knowing anything different, fear kept me in my religious box. But now, Love has broken me free, allowing me to humbly question and made my heart soar. No greater passion have I had in my life than in what you have read in these pages. My intent has been to share straight from my heart and to direct you, if I have piqued your interest, to the tools which first dropped me into this joyful, life-giving wormhole.
In addition, certainly
there will be those of you who make the connection between Wayne Jacobsen and
William Paul Young’s book The Shack and the presumed “heresies”
therein. Several years back, I began
reading that book and guiltily quit, thinking God might bring down the hammer
in my life. (This book fell into my
“should not” list.) It went against the
grain of my inherited thinking and spiritual upbringing, and I was still a
conformist. The book’s inter-character
exchanges presented a refreshing view of God and yet in fear, I closed the book
midway. Just recently, after noticing
the affiliation between these authors and having read about the alleged heresy,
I did more research, also listening to the Thirteen Heresies in the Shack by
Dr. Michael Youssef. Most people get
stuck on the physical traits of the characters chosen to represent the triune
God. They miss the beautiful truth
portrayed in the story that we do indeed have a God who shows up in our shack
and desires to meet us there, either in the miserable mess that we have
produced or the horrific one someone else has caused and left us with. Either way, God hikes up His royal robes,
takes our shame upon Himself, and climbs into “our stuff,” turning our ashes
into beauty. I am not here to defend The
Shack or its author, but I do challenge any of you who criticize the book, to
at least listen to Mr. Young’s personal story which can be found on
YouTube. You would discover why
he wrote the book in the way he wrote the book and at whose request
he produced it. If you knew his horrific
past that ended in incredible healing, forgiveness and grace, I think you would
be the first to drop your stone. I have
concluded that Mr. Young, like so many other people, comes from an extremely
broken, painful past and no matter what might be false in his book, he wrote
from a heart that loves God and wanted to share his experiences with
others. I’d be a fool to think that
there are no fallacies in this story of mine.
I am a work in progress and my story should be taken as just that – my story. Don’t simply accept what I’ve
written in these pages. Take it to God
and question it. Don’t settle and don’t
stop searching. Yes, I wrote with honest
intentions and the truth as I now see it, but I also know that my mind is still
being redeemed. I have a growing
understanding of who God is and, in another year, I’ll know Him a bit better. We are so far from perfect and how sad if we
couldn’t share our stories until we had it all together. How unfortunate to not give ear or eye to the
ways our wonderful God is working in your life because you might tell me
something false, something you don’t quite understand yet. Hopefully we are all, in some way, longing to
know our Creator better, though making mistakes along the way – 3 steps
forward, 2 steps back – growing ever closer in likeness and intimacy with our
God. There are inaccuracies in
everything men write, but I wholeheartedly believe that if God drops something
(or somebody) into your life, He can use it to reveal Truth. Discernment is still required, but even the
thought-provoking ruminations of an atheist can in turn cause you to ruminate
about the one and only true God – the God who has loved you from eternity
past. Thank God that He works in the
most unusual ways and that He isn’t a prisoner of our preconceived boxes. He’s blown the lid off mine!
Resources:
Start
here. Discover freedom and True Love and
then follow Jesus wherever He leads you.
He Loves Me
by Wayne Jacobsen
Transition Series
or
on the LifeStream Podcast