~So What?

 How has any of this made a difference?

A dear friend asked me how any of this – the reading, wrestling, studying, dialoguing - has made a difference in my life.  Let me tell you!

1. I am coming to see God as more Christlike in character. Because I am seeing God through the eyes of Jesus and the way that He saw God, I no longer question or doubt His love for me. God’s steadfast love towards me has completely baptized my soul in assurance and security.  Knowing that His love never changes, that He is incapable of ever loving me more or less than He already does, secures me in a way where I no longer must dwell on whether my flesh is pleasing Him or disappointing Him.  Living in the security of my Heavenly Father’s affection has freed me to live in a way where I am no longer affected by the constant anxiety of not knowing how God feels about me in any given moment. His love comes from within Himself and is not changed by anything I do or don’t do.

2. Now that I better understand God’s unchanging love and see His character through the lens of Jesus, I am no longer afraid of Him. (Red flag, right?) As my understanding of His wondrousness grows, so does my love for Him. I utterly revere God because He is fabulous, but it has been in losing my fear of Him, that I have begun to fully trust Him. I’m no longer hiding or hesitantly withholding from Him. I have come to see God as the safest place to turn even in my worst moments, even when my heart and mind still want to resist Him. He is the only One I can trust, the only One I can be vulnerable with, the only One who can handle the baring of my soul in all its harsh honesty, and then still love me through it all. I can open and give myself fully over to Him.  Previously, there were subconscious seeds of fear and doubt that caused my uncertainty about Him. They held me back, and no matter how hard I tried (or didn’t try,) I could not completely surrender. The absence of fear has lead to my loving, which then lead to my trusting. I've been on both sides and I'll never go back.

3. Upon realizing that God’s heart was like Jesus’s, the trust came more naturally. Trusting Him daily with my life has freed me to live less fearful in the world and more open handed toward others - with my time and my possessions. Everything I have is His. It is no longer a donation that checks the box, but generosity that flows from a heart that has felt the love of the Creator and is learning to see everything as a gift from Him. There is a scheming spark in my heart, that now conspires about how to anonymously meet the needs of the poor and broken and to proclaim the extravagant love of the One who adores them.

4. With fear gone and new eyes to see the character of God through the eyes of Jesus, my focus is turning outward toward others, seeing ALL people as children of the King, but who are still stumbling around in their darkness.  These are still my brothers and sisters. The suspicious and judgmental outlook I had on everyone else, on “those people,” is being replaced with compassion. There is a kindled fire within me for people to know the God who I have come to know; for them to see that the love of the Father toward them is steadfast and unchanging too.  I want people to see how they are loved, and then be transformed by the truest Love. So, with my eyes on Jesus and my hand in His, fear dissolves into peace and I am more able to walk confidently into the world as a light shining for Him.

5. With fear, anxiety, boredom, and uncertainty shredding my insides, I used to want to escape this world, never feeling like I had anything to offer, and always feeling that someone else could do a better job.  I actually asked God over and over to speed up my life, because the bondage of my insecurity also led me into the belief that my life was very useless. But never again! Now that I have seen and felt the marvelousness of God, I ask Him for long life, eagerly looking for those opportunities to join Him in rescuing His lost children.  Where I used to begrudge life, I am now thankful for it and thrilled to be alive.

6. My deepest desire is to honor God with everything that I am, to love and serve Him, and to make His true heart known.  I could do NOTHING to muster this desire before.  It only possessed me once I began to see God’s good, pure, and true character and how that restored vision and His love baptized my heart and soul in assurance.  But, it was not necessarily the assurance that I belonged to Him that caused this joy and heart transformation within me, but the assurance of WHO HE IS. And that changed everything!  Previously, I was wary about God because I didn't know exactly how He felt about me. Now, I am growing to love Him from the depths of my soul. My thoughts continuously gravitate toward His awesomeness.  He is becoming my best friend and I find myself in constant conversation with Him.  I no longer wonder how He feels about me, because I know.  He likes me.  He loves me.  He forgives me.  He cherishes me.  He wants to be with me. This is who God is. This is his faithful, never changing character. And, no matter where you are at or what you are doing, He feels the same way about you too. Surrender to His love. You can trust Him and His love will overwhelm you. May you also find the Love of your life and the reason to live.